Santa’s naughty list

I got Alyssa all ready to leave, bundled up warm and in pants.  I went to do something so that we could leave, and when I called for Alyssa to come she was in a tutu, with ballet slippers on.  I was frustrated, and got fairly upset with her, because if anyone knows me I hate to be late, and this had set me back on my time line.  She looked at me with her big eyes filled with tears, and said that she was going to get nothing for Christmas because she was on the naughty list now.  I grabbed her and gave her a big hug, apologized for getting upset and told her she was not on the naughty list, that she just needed to check with me before changing her clothes.  Today I’m feeling pretty sad, because I behaved like a 2 year old today.  No I didn’t get in a tutu before I needed to go somewhere, but I might as well have.  I argued with someone today in front of other people, and in front of my children.  I didn’t show a good example to them of how adults resolve their problems.  I start to think I’m maturing, I’m growing up, and wont succumb to childish behavior, only to do so.  Now I’m not going to go into details so don’t ask.  I have an issue that I can’t seem to get over.   I feel like I have been given mission impossible, that I go to great lengths to accomplish, a fair amount of personal sacrifice, and I’m fine with that, other than the fact that no matter how hard I try, it is impossible for me to succeed.  It’s a frustrating situation to be in.  So tonight, I’m done, I’m done arguing like a two year old.  I will let it go, I will learn a lesson from it, and I will move forward trying to show my children the correct way to deal with conflict.  I really hate feeling like an idiot, but tonight that is what I feel like.   I have a feeling I’m getting nothing for Christmas.  Better yet, someone send me a filter that fits between my brain and my mouth.